欢迎来到我这个小小宇宙

这个宇宙将包含了我的眼,鼻,耳,舌 和 触碰的,也就是我的人生经历,有的没的。这个宇宙有了我的心声,一时冲动的解放与对你的思念。。。

Thursday, September 20, 2012

包容

瑜伽的体位背后的意义,其实含有别的含义。在我们更深入地去体会,其实是再修练我们的包容,扩大我们的包容度。起初瑜伽体位的陌生,渐渐地熟悉后,却发现某些体位还是掌握不好,甚至做不到。起初,或许有些气馁。当在深入认识与了解瑜伽的当下,也明白了所谓的"体位就只是体位""放下对身体可以或不可做的动作,也学会了接纳自己的身体,开始学会信任自己的身体。逐渐的,学会了包容自己的身体。 也不执着,不太在意,不太计较。对与好与不好,喜欢不喜欢的,愉快不愉快的, 都没有分别。 

爱护自己

也没什么特别的理由,才珍惜。 也没什么特别的原因,才惜福。 也没什么特别的日子,才庆祝。 也没什么特别的节日,才送礼。也没什么特别的道理,才问候。 也没什么特别的原理,才吃素。 是自我反省, 自我觉知,学会更爱护自己罢了。

还等什么?

为什么要等到生病了, 才注意饮食? 为什么要等到腰酸背痛, 才开始运动? 为什么要等到死亡面临时, 才懂得生命的可贵? 为什么要等到面临烦恼, 才明白简单是一种幸福? 为什么要为过去的事情而不开心, 为未来的还没发生的事而烦恼? 确实,当下才是最真实, 最实在的。 再问问自己, 为什么? 为什么?

人, 是很善忘


人, 是很善忘。身体,是很有智慧的。 选责拒绝或否认身体所发出的症状, 就是疾病的来源。 祸从口出, 祸也是由口进。 现在身体还很健康的你, 如果学不会照顾饮食, 学不会爱护身体。 疾病来临时, 不要问 ‘为什么’!!从现在起, 好好善代自己和爱护你的身体吧。 你绝对可以拥有健康的身体, 一切从你的 ‘口’ 开始!!
我们, 很习惯性的。 听到的,看到的, 当下感触多多,感叹。看到比我们悲惨的, 就觉得人家好可怜, 才领悟自己其实还蛮幸福的。 回头一转, 听到看到其他人的名车,名牌包包, 就觉得自己比不上,觉得自己怎么命这么苦? 人, 是很善忘的。 要有明觉,不段净化自己, 时时刻刻惜福!惜福!

Monday, August 27, 2012

信任

看学生, 一天一天的转变, 一天一天的成长,也领悟到, 感受到他们对自己, 也建立了信任。

起初, 对瑜迦体位的陌生, 渐渐地熟悉。 也渐渐的, 认识了自己的身体, 了解认识身体可以与不可以做的动作, 也学习去接受和接纳。逐渐的, 也建立的对自己身体的信任。

很奇妙的,瑜迦不仅只是体位上的成长, 内心也跟随成长。 僵硬的身体, 也渐渐的变得柔软, 呼吸也渐渐变得顺畅。 心胸也渐渐的扩大, 身体可以, 不可以的, 也学会去接纳。从自己身体开始,渐渐的, 把瑜迦建立的态度与心态, 运用在生活上。

就在开始信任自己的身体那一刻开始, 很奇妙的, 当初做不到的体位, 却做的到了。 就在开始信任自己的身体那一刻刹那 , 也领悟到, 当初的自己, 多么的无知, 多么的执著。 正所谓的放下自我, 放下所有的对瑜迦有的想法和看法; 正所谓的放空, 归零, 就在领悟到信任自己肉体的那一刻开始。

瑜迦就是这么自然, 这么简单。 放下所有, 有的, 没的; 可以的, 不可以的; 会的, 不会的; 喜欢的,不喜欢的; 能的, 不能的; 舒服, 不舒服的; 通通, 都放下。 动作, 也变的简单多了。 很奇妙的 , 不可能的, 也变的轻而一举了。

再深入了解瑜迦当下, 体位上, 也许有进步, 会做的动作, 也可能增加了, 但心灵就却归零。 这就是所谓的, 放下。 到某个阶段, 也领悟到, 会的, 不会的; 信任, 不信任的; 也没有了差距, 就只是活再当下。

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Apology

Very strange, after vipassana, something very different that is going on with me. Is ok, will just go will the flow. One thing for sure, this person came into the picture. A long lost friend.

The way we met was quite unique as we knew each other through internet. During my college time, other than studying, sing K, one of the favorite activity was to get to know new friend through internet. Honestly, i met quite a number of guys from internet, but none of them last for long. Not mention about any special relationship, but just a simple friendship. But there was one exceptionable.

He called himself as James, 1 year younger than me and what connected us so much is because we have same BIRTHDAY. Ever since then, our birthday will never be forgotten..hahahaha....

We were quite close where he used to dropped by my house and spend times together, as a friend, nothing beyond that for sure. So, my housemates know him as well and we also used to hang out.

One of the afternoon, happened that he was at our house and i was not home yet. My housemate just let him in while waiting for me to be home. I remembered very clearly that i put a note of RM50 on our coffee table at the dining hall and it was missing after that. I discovered it only in the evening when James went back home. I was so pissed off that the note was missing and was very disappointed with him. I am very sure that the note was there the night before.

I didn't confront him but the hatred and disappointment that i had towards him overtook me. I was that kind of person that if i am angry and disappointed, i will try whatever ways to get rid of that person from my life, waste no more time in this friendship. I was very sure of decision of letting go this friendship as there was no trust anymore. But still, i didn't confront him. I kept it to myself and very sure that he was the one who took the money. Slowly, i stopped talking to him, ignored him. He was puzzled at that time and did not what has happened. After a while, we lost contact. He got to know from a friend of my friend about the missing note. He didn't come forward and explain or confront me as well. So, that was how the friendship ended.

After few years, he came to my office. He knew where i work and he just dropped by to say hi. Honestly, i don't feel any anger but don't feel really comfortable about the sudden meet up. I didn't how to react or behave, so i just talk for a while and kept myself busy with work. So, he left. Ever since then, we never meet again. I knew that he is staying nearby but we never bump into each others. It was more of the discomfort feeling than anger that i have, so i was reluctant to bump into him.

After so long, this long lost friend suddenly came into my mind. Never in my life that i have treated anyone that i know the way i treated him. Suddenly i thought of meeting up this long lost friend. For sure, anger and disappointment are not there, it is more of confronting my ego and my ignorance. I have to accept and confront how ignorance i was. But now, i am ready to face it. As the process of growth, it will be part of the learning. Without expecting he will forgive or what the reaction will be, i just feel that i need to apologize. Apologize of my ignorance. Even though the missing note is still a mystery, who knows, may be i was the one who kept it and i have forgotten and there are many possibilities. I learn to know that things in life, there are many possibilities, anything could happen. Birth and Death, it could happen at the same moment. Anything could happen, anything.

So, i texted him yesterday and asked him out for lunch. This was the conversation:

Kee  : James
James: Hihi, how r u?
Kee   : I am fine
James: suddenly msg me?
Kee   : Free to come out for lunch? Scary ler, suddenly text u
James: I never scared at all
Kee  : hahaha
James: I m always waiting for ur msg
Kee   : ohh..
James: U mean now meet up?
Kee   : Of coz No
Kee   : Then u must be very patient ..waiting for years
James: Ya. U r still in my mind
           So, you still work at the same company
Kee   : I am still the same old me
James : I wish u always happy with ur life

So, today he came and fetched me at my office. He didn't change much in person but when i looked at him, he looks happy, which is good!  I told him the main purpose of meeting up is to apologize. He denied of what was happening and he said there was nothing. I told him "YES, there was". I told him everything that happened and even told him that i know he knew about it. Then he said he didn't keep in his heart and there is no apologize needed. Anyhow, what to be said and done still need to be, as the main purpose is not getting forgiveness from him, but to do what suppose to be done and say what suppose to be said.

He said it will be good that if i confronted him instead of keeping it to myself. I told him, that was me. Keeping every feeling to myself, especially unhappiness. But it never too late to change the old habit after all.

When we are moving towards the path of growing and change the old habit pattern of the mind, to understand the truth and come out from suffering, we need to confront our ignorance, ego and learn to be free from hatred, anger, disappointment, frustration etc etc. Every person that came into our life, do play an important role in our growth. Whether is nice or bad person, pleasant or unpleasant incident, it counts.

The apology is not more of APOLOGIZING and expecting forgiveness, but it to allow us to let go our ego and accept how ignorance we were. Confronting and letting go ego and ignorance are not something to practice, but it more of how to face it and stays equanimity with it. Learning to accept that everyone has the past, whether the past is good or not, any action or decision that we have done, whether we are happy with it or regretted, learning to accept is always the first step to take in order to move forward and grow.

When our heart fill up with LOVE and COMPASSION, everything is possible, including apologizing, forgiving, confronting and letting go, as we know what we are doing and we are very clear of what and why we are doing it. At the end, what is the outcome of our action, there will be no different, no judgement, no expectation. Thus, no disappointment, no frustation, no regret, no suffering.

Be happy.


Saturday, July 7, 2012

So much to write....

The upcoming, which has been pending for long long time which i have yet to write and wish to write will be:

1. Birth vs Death
2. Backpacking Story 2
3. 2nd Trip to KK
4. People That I Wish To Thank
5. How I Start My Yoga Journey?
6. Incident happened at Kepong
7. About Kelantan

hmm...so far that's all about it.

Stay Tune......

His Name Is Bang Bang

A story of me and my dog (late dog).

My housemate, Kenny and I, we used to love playing with other's people dog. So, we used to went to SPCA and pay them a visit. With no intention of bringing home for ourselves, but one day we did!! We made a very very crazy decision when we first saw Bang Bang. 

I still remember clearly what was happening that day. As usual, we went to SPCA, play with the dogs there, spend some free time there. Suddenly, we saw one golden colour dog. Wow......this dog very pretty. But one thing strange was, he was kept separately from the others in a very huge space which could keep about 5 or 6 dogs or more. But, he was left alone there. 

We looked for the caretaker, she was a westerner, a veterinarian, asked her why he was kept alone there, how old is he, anyone adopted and how many days he has been there. The veterinarian said he was there for about 4 days, found him somewhere in Bangsar and he was about 5 or 6 years old at that time. But when we asked again why he was kept alone there, she didn't say much but just said he was new there and to keep in away from other dogs due to hygiene purposes. Without further explanation, she said he is ready for adoption and she chained him up and brought him out of the cage and asked us to spend sometimes with him and again, she emphasized, HE IS READY TO BE ADOPTED. YOU CAN TAKE HIM NOW!!!! 

While walked him from the cage to the main office, i was looking at my housemate and he was looking at me, and we were stunned for a moment. hmmm......CAN TAKE HIM HOME NOW!!??!!! No doubt that we liked him a lot a lot. No doubt we were actually looking for a dog for ourselves every time when we visited SPCA. But, it was just a thought. ADOPT A DOG!?!?  there was another breed, Beijing Dog, she was lovely and friendly compared to Bang Bang. But ended up, we adopted Bang Bang. 

If you were to ask me now, how come?? i can't answer you. I don't even know how we ended adopted Bang Bang and to be more precisely, HOW COME WE ENDED UP ADOPTED A DOG?!?!?! It was a huge decision we made and quite a drastic one. I was not so sure whether it was a right decision to do so that time. But, i never regretted to bring him back home.

I still remember the first day at SPCA when we were bringing him home, while settling some adoption document, we only found out that he was not quite well. He was having diarrhea. We were quite puzzled then but we have paid for the adoption fees and he was ready to follow us home. Hmmm.....again, i looked at my housemate and he looked at him...speechless.......to be honest, we were quite worried and puzzled. He was adopted with RM200 adoption fees by the way. But one thing that wondered me was, SPCA has a rule that no adoption for owner who lives in Condominium but ..... they never asked us....hmmm.....anyhow, it doesn't matter now.

The memory was still fresh in my mind on the first day we brought him home. First, my housemate Leely was really in a SHOCK!!!!! she never expects us to bring back ONE from SPCA. She knows that we love dog, but never thought we will bring one back. Actually, we didn't notify her earlier as the decision was a drastic one. hahahha..... 

First night at our house, we was staying at Genting Court Condominium. He never looks straight to our eyes. He was a dog that not very friendly after all for the first day. We can sense a little of sadness, disappointment and depression in him and that's what make us like him. He is unique and his is not just like other dogs. 有性格!hahahahha.... He must has been through a lot when he got lost from his previous owner i guessed.

After few days, i think 3 days later, he behaved much better. At least, he looked at us at the eye. hahahahha...he started to make friend now, make new friend. Not very friendly though, but started to have some communication, eye contact.

After much later, WE ARE ALL BEST FRIENDS. hahahahhha.....

He was a very obedient dog in a way that he never pee and poo in the house. That's for sure. He only does it outside the garden. Good!!! So, every morning, either me or kenny will walk him before we go to work and after work, we will walk him again. At night before sleep, we will walk him again. Sometimes, i was late from home, almost 10pm to 11pm, he will wait for him patiently at home without pee and poo in the house, just to wait for us to be home to bring him out. Very understanding dog, he was. He will wave his tail till drop, so happy and excited to see us home. It was such a warm welcome from our little friend. No wonder people used to say, dog is man's best friend.

To be honest, taking a dog is never an easy job. Apart from all the happiness and fun moment, it takes a lot of commitment, time and effort to look after him. Dog is not cat. Cat, very independence, but Dog is like a baby. They need to be loved, attention and cares. We can't just leave him there without bordering him as he will look at you, waiting for you to play with, waiting for you to show love and care. As all he has, is only you. His world is only you. That's a very huge commitment!!!! Sometimes we need to be away for few days and we need to put him my friend's house. Luckily, we have some friends who is a pet lover such as Keen Hong, Matt and James to help us out. 

It was a challenge to bath him every week and cut his fur as he doesn't salon. He is become very violent when he saw the scissor and all the accessories in the salon. So, we have no choice to do it ourselves. So, i was the pet barber then. He was fine with me even though he will still get angry sometimes. 

Back to the first day of adopting him. We thought of giving him a name, but instead of choosing for him, we let him decides for his new name. We called out few names, but he showed no response. hmmm...we were wondering what his ex-owner called him. Names after names, no response. Suddenly my housemate, Leely, she thought of a song 'Bang Bang, Shoot You Down'..it was a joke then i even said ' crazy ar you..'..guess what, he got response. He waved his tail and like smiled at us. Then we called him again, Bang Bang.. he showed that he really liked the name. So, that's why we called him Bang Bang. hehehehhe...

He loves everything we eat...always beg for food!! but of cause, we can't feed him human's food. His favorite fruit are PAPAYA and DURIAN!! hahhaha......very local dog..... support local product. He loves cake as much as i do. His favorite toy is Fifi, a pink colour little bear. When we said "fifi, fifi ler"..he will be  very excited looking up and down, left and right for his toy and he knows who is Fifi. Amazing, is it? One more of his favorite, TISSUE PAPER. My gosh....the first time i saw, when i came back home from work. Never realize that he loves TISSUE PAPER so much. So, TISSUE PAPER is prohibited from putting on a table or somewhere which is reachable by him. He will patiently and nicely tear every pieces of it and ended up our house got SNOW!!!!! hahahha.....

Still remember when he did something wrong and when we punished him, he looked very sad too when we scolded him. He knows it actually. When we chased him out of the house when he did something bad, he will willingly stay outside the house and never dare to walk in. As he knows, he did something wrong and he has been punishing. Sometimes, he will pretend like nobody noticed him after all and he will quietly and slowly walk inside the house. Sometimes, when we said 'EHH!!'..he will walk back to the place when he was punished...but if we said nothing, he will also pretend nothing happen, quietly and slowly walk in and pretend to sleep or rest. hahahahahha.....

That was the fun part of having dog as they are like a kid. But it was a very huge commitment as we need to take care of them. With the schedule like what i have now, dog is definitely a NO for me. 

It was a karma without us and Bang Bang. He died after 3 or 4 years with us. My housemate brought him back to Kelantan for a year or 2 before he passes away.

Thank you for bring such a lovely memory to us, Bang Bang. Thank you for being such an understanding dog. 

Love you and Miss you always!!!


 He used to look out from the house corridor while eating. Like there there thousand thing in his mind. A real thinker.


His is from Cocker Spaniel Family. Cocker Spaniel is a hunter dog. So, that's why he loved outdoor. Sometimes, when we have a dog. We need to understand their natural behavior as well. As they don't know how to speak, we need to spend times to study their natural behavior to give him happier life. Cocker Spaniel has a very sensitive skin that's why need to take extra care about it and also especially their ears. As it is always covered up, so need to take extra care. They cannot take beef as they will become very aggressive.

 He was a very friendly dog after all, especially with human. As for other dogs, it depends. Till now, i still can't figure out which dog is ok for him, which not and why.hahahha... but he is a very brave dog as he dare to fight!! Hunter always be a hunter, solute!!!



This was the look when he was happy and waiting for you to bring him for one more round of walk. hehehehhe...miss you so much, bang bang.

Friday, July 6, 2012

梦想

人,有梦想必然是件好事。正所谓,因梦想而伟大。可是,如果太与积极的想实现梦想而气馁,而沮丧。那么,梦想不就变了一件不愉快的事件。偶而,也要学会放下。保持平等心。平等与愉快或不愉快的。毕竟,是一种过程。挫折,也是实现梦想必经之路,也是成长的机会。开心一点,放开一点,路就会好走一点,每一天也变得有意义一点点。

要相信

突然间, 发现四周围, 熟悉的人, 事, 物, 一瞬间, 变得好陌生, 好陌生。 有点失落, 有点慌。 是他们变了? 还是自己其实并不了解, 或从不理解。还是,其实是 自己变了。 变得, 话题不一样了, 融入不到。 有的理念, 信念,看法, 想法, 和以往的不一样了。 可能是成长的一种过程。 毕竟, 每个人经历的, 都是不一样。 面对的, 可大同小乙, 体会的, 却是独一无二的, 领悟的, 更是有偏差。 那么, 如果我们盼望他人, 和我们体会到的, 领悟到的, 有共同的理念和看法, 那不就是在挑战奇迹吗? 遇见志同道和的, 那恭喜啦, 还没领悟到的, 那不就是很正常吗? 有时候, 太过于积极的想表达我们的理念,看法和热诚, 有时候, 越说, 人家越不明白, 越说, 自己也火滚。 到底是怎么一回事? 是他人愚蠢呢, 还是自己无知, 自己太天真? 好无奈的心情。 甚至, 还有些的, 会想打断那理念, 就随于而安不就好了吗。 拿那么多来烦, 何苦? 如过现在的你, 有这种感受, 有些心得, 想和你分享。

每个人, 经历的, 体会的, 领悟到, 是有差别的。 想要改变他人的思想, 未免责任太重大啦! 把这么大的责任堆在自己身上, 也未免辛苦了自己。 也别想得自己这么伟大, 毕竟改变, 不是一两天能办到的时, 也不是一人能做到的。 人, 是会选择自己想听的, 想吸收的。只有, 亲身体会, 才会明白, 才会悟解, 才会领悟。 对于我们自己有的信念和理念, 不要去猜疑。 只要心存有爱, 慈悲, 心灵相通的, 一定能感受到。 没理会的, 也会被感动到。 所以, 不要再想要改变谁, 改变什么的。 做好自己! 把自我, 看的渺小一点点。这么激动, 这么气馁,这么无奈, 笑容都不见啦, 搞到自己没觉好睡, 那又何苦呢?连自己都搞不好, 变得一塌糊涂, 那又何苦呢? 要活出自己, 首先做好自己。 要让身边的人开心, 自己要学会活得开心, 自己要懂什么是开心。要别人爱你, 自己要学会爱自己, 也要懂什么是爱。开心点, 放开一点。 世界还是一样的美丽。 要相信, 一切会有所安排的。 要相信。 要相信。

An Email To A Friend Who Has Lost Her SMILE 2

Replied from her:
hahaha, i like this! Really appreciate what you'd taught me before and recently...


Could i posted all your teaching in my FB wall? if you don't mind....coz i wana share with others too...


Thanks Kee, i think i had escaped from those sorrow...i'm now feel my mind lighter than previously, it is a good sign as i'm growing wiser and smarter, and i know how to let go slowly...


Yesterday and 2 days before i had a very good sleep as i had let go my worry and anxiety, hope this will continue forever...^^


Thank you so much !




The Sharing:

What i am going to share here, you might get or might not get it..but it doesn't matter. When the mind is ready, you will get want it means. It is part of the process. 


Each experiences and journeys, for sure there are sorrow and happiness, there are sweet and bitter, there are pleasant and unpleasant.


Never ask for PLEASANT feeling or sensation to STAY FOREVER as there is no FOREVER. When we ask for the pleasant sensation to stay, indirectly we are creating or craving for another sorrow. Wanting more and more and more, never end. As the more we wish the pleasant sensation to stay forever and it never stays, we will be very UPSET. 

We know that there is no forever, so how could it stay forever. When our craving and wants / wishes for the pleasant sensation to stays forever and IT DOESN'T STAY as we wish and want to, we ANGRY, we DISAPPOINTED, we frustrated and etc etc......


And when we feel and sense the UNPLEASANT sensation or feeling, we will pray hard and ask the unpleasant sensation TO GO AWAY... TO DISAPPEAR!!!! the more we want it to go away, when it is still there, WE ANGRY, AGITATED, FRUSTRATED, DEPRESSED..as what we wish for never came true....and we create AVERSION...


Every sensation has a lesson to teach us and for us to learn from, as it is part of the process of growing. Some teaching may come in a very polite and pleasant way, some may be in a very hard and unpleasant way.


So, NEVER wish the pleasant sensation to stay , NEVER ask the unpleasant sensation to go away. Never Craving. Just stay EQUANIMITY. Equanimious towards the pleasant or unpleasant sensation. Equanimious!!!!! and understand the LAW OF NATURE of arising and pass away (things happen and it will go away). 


It is the old habit pattern of the mind that we used to only want PLEASANT sensation and REJECT the unpleasant sensation. It is the habit pattern of the mind. 


IF WE WANT TO COME OUT FROM SUFFERING. WE WILL HAVE TO CHANGE THE PATTERN OF THE MIND!! WE HAVE TO CHANGE!! CHANGE THE PATTERN OF THE MIND!!!


Be Happy!


If I were to share this with u before whatever u hv experienced all these suffering, all these sharing will merely just some motivational reference that make u feel inspired or motivated. But after u hv been through all these experiences n suffering, these sharing will make u understand more about the truth, make things clearer n make a lot of sense about life, the truth of life. It make u grow. So, suffering is not a bad thing after all. It give us the opportunity to grow. 

Hari OM.


An E-mail To A Friend Who Has Lost Her SMILE 1

How are you lately??? 


Suddenly have a thought that you are facing some inner growth in you..which is good thing. Before you find your so called happiness and when you are in the mid of confusion and suffering, that's the sign of growing.....books and some motivating movies might help..but still, you will have to walk the path by yourself....come out by yourself.....YOU ARE YOUR OWN TEACHER!!!!!!


Everyone of us who is looking forward to grow wiser and happier, to find the Truth and Answer, it is for sure we will pass through this stage. Whether in our life, suddenly lots of things pop out, either family matters, whether is in worksplace where we HATE our job and can't find the meaning of doing what we are doing, irritated with things we see, we hear, everything around us...


Remember, for a person to grow wiser and happier...it is normal..this is part of the process..... 


You dont have to purposely look for happiness or want back the happiness which u have once owned it before. When the heart is ready, the happiness will be there. Have love and compassion in you which you already have it with you....dont let hatred, anger, frustration, agitation overtake it.....


Always see obstacle and challenges in life as a lesson and opportunity for you to GROW WISER and STRONGER. Of cause, we will be frustrated, angry, etc etc...but when we understand that feeling is just feeling, and we understand LAW OF NATURE (come and it will definately go), nothing is FOREVER, everything is IMPERMANENT, even feeling, emotion, anything, good or bad things happened. Always remember that, it is IMPERMANENT.


Sometimes life is teaching us in order for us to grow WISER but in a very HARD way. Only by experiencing it ourselves, we will only realise and enlighten. Stay EQUANIMITY (chinese - 平等心) towards any sensation or experience that we have, whether is good or bad.


I am not try to teach you anything here. I am just sharing as i have been through this suffering and good news is i know there is a way out of this suffering and i am still learning it, learning it in a very hard way too. hahahha...


Anyhow, the only thing we ask for is just to be HAPPY. 


Plant in happiness, love, compassion, all the possitive seeds, then only the fruits will be with LOVe, COMPASSION and GOOD KARMA.


How to get an apple tree if you put in orange seed??? How to get sugarcane, if you put in bittercurd seed?????


BE HAPPY.

Conversation with a Friend who has recently lost her SMILE

KEE:
I just feel that you are not as cheerful as before. Not sure because of personal matter, tired or due to the job and frustration of the work that you are handling.


I found that this vipassana helps me alot, but of cause it takes effort and times to ensure that the 10days course and techniques they shared in 10days, is it workable or not, it will very much depand on whether we practise it in our daily life.


Before this, meditation is NOT for me. Sit there for HOURS!!!??!! crazy ar!!! but it turns out to be something that amazing and very fruitful 10days i had. I am more than happy to share with you what i have been through these 10days if you are interested.


Friend:
Ya, Kee, i also felt that since 428 incident....im so disappointed with our ruler. Another things is i easily get bored and irritated by my current job, i don't find any satisfaction here,and im always annoyed by those uncooperative people around us...As im now thinking what is my real purpose in life? i got stuck here with my own problem and my family matters... it seem like no ending.


Something/ somebody had stole away my "happiness", i think. Still searching for the answer...haha


May be i really need some guides to guide me thru this sorrow period...


Yesterday, in the talk, the teacher actually asked us to visual our own future...he said if you saw it and you should chase after it, don't let it go away. I have this dream, i wana be involve in social work, i can see myself is an active environmental activist and am trying to help and educate all the helpless people in our country...since i have this vision, i think i must follow my heart :)




KEE:
I will be writing a blog on this vipassana meditation that i have attended and will share it with you ya.


I was like you before i went to Vipassana. (it doesnt mean Vipassana meditation change me OVERNIGHT. it makes me see thing clearer and it makes thing become alot of sense to me.)  


even though i have taken up this new position of Personal Assistant for almost a year now and i was getting irratated and annoyed  more and more everyday. As such, i started to question myself the same thing, what is the purpose of my life?? What the hell am i doing here and make my life so miserable.


But one thing for sure, if i was to leave the company, i want to leave happily, not irritating.


What other people do or say, WE HAVE NO CONTROL!! But what we can control is OURSELF. OUR REACTION TOWARDS whatever senses that we felt, happy or unhappy. That, we can control.


Job is job!! If we can't change the nature of the job, instead of keep complaint and unsatisfied with WHAT WE ARE DOING or ASSIGNED TO DO, we should then change our attitude in handling those job. As we can't change the nature of the job, then we change ourself, our attitude, our perception.


For me, after a year of doing Personal Assistant job plus Admin's job, i reflected and realized that the nature of the job that i am doing is like that. Lots of ac hoc, none stop, everyone will ask 'HOW AR, WHY ARE, WHERE AR, WHEN AR' and everywhere, Ms. Kee, how ar? Ms. Kee where ar? Ms. Kee, When ar????..so, i realized that THAT IS THE NATURE OF THE JOB. and definitely i cant change the nature of the job that i am doing, so i change myself. Accepting will help alot, accepting that job is job, and nature of job is like that.


You may take a break, come back fresh and tell yourself, this is nature of the job. If we keep rejecting and cant accept the nature of job, we will be suffering. So, accept it!! We will realize that, when we learn to accept it, it makes thing lot easier and happier for us. I am learning to accept it as well.


Cheers!!!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

How to make it practical???

Questions from one of my students yesterday while waiting for another student in the car.

Some explanation why the conversation was in the car, instead of in the class. On Tuesday class, i used to have it at Taman Melati Utama. As the center closed, so i transferred the class to my house which maximum can fit in 8 people including myself. Most of them are students from TARC, UTAR or someone from neighborhood. When the class was transferred to my house at Jalan Genting Klang, transportation becomes the main concern for them. So, i offered myself to be the driver. So, that's why we have the conversation in the car as i am fetching 2 students from different condominium.

Her name is Yit Leng. Very pleasant girl and smiley face all the time. She has been attending classes for almost a year now. Very committed as she seldom skips class unless she goes back hometown during her semester break. She is currently a student of UTAR, third year.

She was asking that the sharing we have in the classes, such as not to react to the senses that we have, even though is pleasant or  unpleasant sensation and how to make it practical in our daily life? She was not quite sure about it. She even asked whether is possible to apply in daily life.

I told her YES. YOGA is everywhere and it is not only about postures. It definitely can be applied in our daily life. Sometimes, we applied it in our daily life even without realizing it. The transformation and changes happened as it is, naturally, without noticing. As it becomes a new habit.

Sometimes, we do realize that some of the habit we have, is not quite positive. When we want to change the habit so much but we just can't get rid of it as it is the old habit that we used to have, and we become frustrated and agitated. It is very normal. The more we want to change, the worst it becomes. As changing an habit is not ONE DAY task. In order to build a habit, whether is positive or negative habit, IT TAKES TIME. It accumulates the experiences that we have since small, the ups and downs, the observation we have, lessons that we learned, etc etc. So, it makes sense to say that it definitely takes time to change a habit. So, be patient.

Then how yoga can help in changing this old habit? Yoga is to purify the body and mind. Yoga gives us the opportunity to experience all the teaching that we have heard and practiced, as our body is just like a book, like a small universe that allows us to explore, experience and understand the Truth and WE BECOME OUR OWN TEACHER. Merely by listening and reading, we will eventually forgot. But by experiencing it ourselves, we understand, we accept and unconsciously the transformation takes place. Yoga will also train the mind. Mind need to be trained so that we can change the old habit pattern of mind. When we truly understand Yoga, whether any changes, any transformation, whether the mind is trained or not, it doesn't matter. As we truly understand about Yoga.

Our mind used to react to all the senses that came in contact with our body. Whether is pleasant or unpleasant sensation, things we see, we hear, we smell, we taste and we touch, all these senses, WE REACT towards it. When we have pleasant sensation, we wish the pleasant sensation to stay forever and sometimes we will crave for more and more and more. When all these wishes do not come true, we will be very disappointed, frustrated, depressed, etc etc. It is because we are reacting towards our senses and CRAVING happened. When we have unpleasant sensation, we will pray very hard to  get rid of this sensation, hoping that it will disappear. But when thing doesn't turn to be what we wanted to, we agitated, we angry, there is where hatred, anger, aversion come in. It is because WE REACT towards it.

Some of the yoga postures, it makes us feel agitated, discomfort, doubtful, unpleasant. Some of the postures, it makes us feel so confident, so comfortable, so proud of ourselves, so pleasant. Yoga postures allow us to experience our senses with a conscious mind. In such a situation, we are training the mind. First, have the AWARENESS towards those senses. Sometimes, we don't even realize that the existence of our senses. So, when we get angry, we don't even know HOW it started, WHEN it started, but ended up we regret of what we have said or done due to the anger we have. As such, awareness we allow us to be more mindful of our senses and action. Of cause, it is easy to TALK than ACT. But trust ourselves, it only takes us to be aware of our senses, just the AWARENESS. When we have the awareness, slowly we will learn to control our reaction. And we will also realize that FEELING is just FEELING, it will come and it will go. LAW OF NATURE, arising and pass away. Slowly but surely, we will notice some transformation in us when we realize the truth, because we experienced the path ourselves.

We are training the mind in such a way of not OVER REACT towards the senses that we have. No judgement, no comparison, no expectation. Learn to live at the PRESENT moment. Yoga also allows us to spend times with our body. Observing the breath, observing the natural reaction of the body, get to know more about the body, understand it and accept our body as IT IS.

When we let go all other activities, silently we observe the breath, observe the sensation of the body, observe the natural reaction of the body, only inhaling and exhaling, we experience the silent moment where there is no PAST, no FUTURE, only PRESENT MOMENT. As such, when we look deeper inside, all the senses that we had in the past, that's the one make us happy or unhappy, or the uncertainty and doubt about the future that keep us worrying. Even though we are living in the PRESENT MOMENT, but we never be at PRESNT MOMENT. When we experienced the NOW moment, we will realize that the REAL PEACEFUL lies within it. NO HAPPY or UNHAPPY. NO WORRY, NO DOUBT. Just present moment, peace.........................

So, when the mind is trained in such a way by living at the present moment, eventually we will also apply it in our everyday life. We will be more mindful of our senses, we understand the law of nature (arising and pass away) and we experience the true peacefulness by living in the PRESENT MOMENT. We will appreciate more our everyday life and we understand that everything happened for a reason, no matter good or bad. Whether we know the reason, it doesn't matter. This habit and the trained mind, it will eventually release us from our suffering. When we face any obstacles in our life, at least we know how to come out of it. There is way. There is way.  We know it. Human is a very smart creature. When we know the way out, we will definitely use the way. So, no worry.

All the experiences that we have in practicing yoga, will eventually make us realize the Truth.

Purify the body, train the mind. Slowly but surely, we will see the TRUTH and we will be happy, content and  complete.

Hari Om.




Tuesday, July 3, 2012

当下的我


想想, 也没特别设些什么新年必做的。
学会了, 把每一天好好的过。
也学会了, 去更珍惜每时每刻。
所以, 现在对于生活的态度和理念, 和以往的有点不一样。
也学会了, 随于而安。
想去的, 拍拍屁股, 走啦。
想说的, 拍拍胸口, 说啦。
学会了, 萧洒的过生活。
也学会了, 勇敢的表达自己。
也许, 是学会了放下自我, 坦诚的面对, 有的没的。
也把自我, 看的渺小了。
于大家, 成为一体。
没有分别。

也相信, 好的坏的, 愉快的, 不愉快的, 对的错的, 是的不是的,
一切一切, 发生的, 都有所按排的。
心只要有爱, 善念, 慈悲, 路就会好走。
因为, 在不顺当下, 学会了感恩。
再大的挫折, 不受影响, 因为学会明白了自然法则, 一切都会成为过去的。
人也变得开心多了。

New Year Resolution

It is now July, half a year is gone!!! In the brighter way, we still have 6 months to go. Any plans or resolution which we have not accomplished, is time to KICK START!!

I don't think i have any new year resolution, just learn to live my life to the fullest. Every moment is matter and live like there is no tomorrow. and i truly believed that i did live my life like there is NO tomorrow, especially this year, year of 2012.

Starting on 1.1.12, with 108 Sun Salutation at Mumusan Yogalife Studio, Kota Damansara. This was my 2nd time, participated in 108 Sun Salutation. The 1st experience was at Janda Baik on 1.1.11.

This year will be more like LEARNING year as i have attended quite a number of courses and i even signed up for TTC with MUMUSAN and it will start somewhere in August this year.

During Chinese New Year, somewhere the middle of the new year in the month of February, family trip to Singapore. First time to Singapore for my dad. Just to spend sometimes together. Just some side seeing, walk here and there, eat this and that, meet up with Helen and Husband, went to Night Safari. Quite a fruitful trip. The most amazing is the hotel that we stayed, Lavender Hotel. Very convenient, comfortable and clean.

In the month of March, 2nd trip to Kota Kinabalu. This time, i am not travelling alone. 3 of my colleagues came along. We planned this last year. This round, i have the chance to travel to Kaki Bukit of Mount Kinabalu. Oh gosh, love the scenery and the weather, just like HEAVEN.First time to see Rafflesia as well, so excited. Of cause, never miss the SEA FOOD!! CHEAP and FRESH!!

In March itself, i have attended the Yoga Course - 快乐瑜伽。 I got my first Yoga Certificate ever in my entire Yoga pathway. hahahha....it is true that it is just a piece of paper. The session was fun and fruitful. It will be useful for kids yoga.

March 30, when to PWTC. First time ever met with the well-known Guruji, Sri Sri. Honestly, i don't really know him, but i was very impressed with the attendance. FULL!! and i can feel that the devotees are full of love, respect and their eyes are full of gratefulness. Very good energy there, even though i don't really know him.

In the month of April, my Birthday month. This year, very different birthday i had. I am celebrating birth and at the same time i was experiencing death. The moral of the story, there is birth, there is death, is it LAW OF NATURE. Went to Penang to find my beloved friend, ended up i got a shocking news from him. Another moral of the story, life is unpredictable. There is where i found my true love and i lost it at the same time and i found my true friendship. Before i left the Penang airport, i experienced an EARTHQUAKE!!! Is it a WAKE UP CALL?!?!? i wondered.

End of April to early May, Iyenger Yoga Festival at Dataran Merdeka, ETCI.  Very fruitful sharing. Classes are all FREE. Have a better insight of What is Iyenger. Sharing from Manoj about Yoga Sutra was very inspiring.

In the month of June, 13 to 23 June, finally i went to Vipassana Meditation and i finished all the 10days. It is not so much of the 10days, but the experience in these 10days was amazing.

So, now is July, few things in hand to busy with, such as some photo shooting, wedding to attend, yoga trip in July and August.

Next thing is to get myself a tripod and flash. Go go go!!!!!

Hari Om.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Vipassana Meditation - Before Going

I sincerely would like to thank my Yoga Teacher, Meng Foong.

Can't recall how many years, 4 or 5 years ago? i think so. Meng Foong has mentioned about this Vipassana Meditation which they have a center at Gambang. She told it was a good center with good technique has been taught and i should consider about it.

For me, MEDITATION??!!?? no way...it was way too far from what i WISH i would end up with. Sitting there, without moving and suffering???? Sit with cross leg in just 15 mins is killing me, hours??? NO WAY. The  uncertainty, unpredictable feeling, doubt towards myself, my determination and readiness, fear, worry, hesitation etc were bordering me. That was 4 or 5 years ago.

As such, what make me sign up for this 10days Vipassana Meditation despite with all those challenges that freak me out 4 or 5 years ago??

I always believe that every moment, every movement, every decision (whether right or wrong decision made), every feeling, every emotion, every incident (bad or good), every experience, it happen for a reason.

Along this path of sharing yoga with others is the most grateful thing in my life. Throughout these years, being as a student, i learned about from my teacher, the teaching, the postures, the dhamma sharing and the experience. As a teacher, i am learning as well. Seeing myself moving towards the path that make me understand the true happiness, contentment, grateful and gratitude.

It sounds pretty perfect that everything is just going well. After almost 5 years of teaching, all the suddenly i realized that i have doing thing the same way. The sharing, the teaching, same teaching, same sharing. The more i wanted to move forward into next level, the more eager to share more of it, i struggled. As i found that i have stopped growing. Sharing is share out our experience. If we do not experience the dhamma itself, it will be merely other's dhamma, not ours. As such, our sharing will just be surface and not to the depth of it.

These kind of feeling of stop growing and the need of growing and self-development were puzzling me for quite sometimes. As i was telling myself for not to over react towards it, learning to detach towards whatever feeling or emotion we have, i basically just stay apart from the feeling. Stay apart in a sense that aware of the existence but do not over react.

As i came back from India in November 2011 for a 9 days trip, South India, Kerala, Varkala, with a friend of mine who was taking his Sivananda Teacher Training Course there. "THE NEED OF GROWING" or self-development became stronger and i started to feel the sense of incomplete. Quite similar with the feeling i had before the time i found yoga. Puzzle, Emptiness, Discontent. To be more precise, feeling of Incomplete.

During my trip to India, i have joined the Yoga classes at Yogahaus and attempted few session of meditation. From 30mins to 45mins. Million thanks to Hari for sharing this. Throughout the meditation sessions, a touch or sense of what meditation feels like. From 30 mins to 45 mins meditation, it absolutely eased my worry and doubt i have towards myself whether AM I READY for this.

Since then, after i came back, i fb with my teacher. Here's this our conversation:

  • KEE:
    but one thing i learnt from this yogahaus if MEDITATION
  • i plan to join the vippasana meditation next year as i hv used up most of my leave this year

    MENG FOONG:
    Vipassana in Gambang, Kuantan?

    KEE
    anywhere is ok for me
    in malaysia

    MENG FOONG:
  • It will be very different when you are in a complete silent retreat for 10 days. It is very effective and very good for anyone to know their own mind and how to observe the mind and not attach...
  • Gambang is a very good place. No need to spend money to go to india. Unless you will be in India for a few months, then you must do vippassana in Bodhgaya. It is a very special energy place.

    KEE:
    i think i am ready for tht

    MENG FOONG:
    yes. you are.

    KEE:
I m quite worried and not ready for this..but after this trip, i think i will take up this challenge, may b i need it..


MENG FOONG:
It is not a challenge. When your mind think that it is a challenge, resistance from the mind is already there. You don't need it either, but you are doing it for the well-being of the universe. You don't do it for getting any benefits... YOur mind will be benefited by doing vipassana, but you don't get any benefits.


  • because you are not the mind...
  • you are always peaceful and complete. You don't need to become peaceful and complete by doing anything...
  • it is the mind need to be peaceful and be trained to be pure. you are always pure..

    KEE:
    something inside of me is giving signal tht, is time ..

    MENG FOONG:
    yes. It is your higher self telling the lower self (the ego) to go for further practice...

    KEE:
    for me, is a physical challenge as my legs will definately pain...but will not let tht borther me...as it is time..hahaha...

    MENG FOONG:
    everything will be provided to you, when the time has come... holidays, money, time...

    KEE:
    will try to get rid of the 'challenge' fr my mind..hahahhaha

    MENG FOONG:
    no need to get rid the thinking but just observe and do not identify with it... you are aware of your mind feeling challenge, but it's not you...the more you try to push away anything, the more powerful they become...
    just watch the mind or the thinking...

    KEE:
    just let it be...

    MENG FOONG:
    you will be fine and be closer to your true nature...

    KEE:
    ya, agree...coz previously, i try very hard to convince myself, vippasana..vippasana...when i tell myself, take up the challange...push away the worries..the worries become BIGGERand now..i don even borther about it....just feel tht is the time....

    MENG FOONG:
    yes, you are your own teacher...

    KEE:
    there is a feeling, like i need to do somethingi donno what is it...will seehahahahha


MENG FOONG:
yoga is in you, not in india, not in ashram...
your inner self will guide you...


KEE:
  • i just feel like i am only now digesting what was happening in india
  • when i m in india...i feel nothing...

    MENG FOONG:
    its normal... yoga is not about feeling "something"...

    KEE:
    so long i don have this kind of feeling...i had it before i learn yoga.i might need few days to settle down..hahahhaoverwhelming

    MENG FOONG:
    yoga is annihilating the mind... no thinking, no perception of sight, sound, smell, taste, touch and thought, no good, no bad, no happiness, no suffering, no body, no mind, no birth, no death...that feeling you are talking about is like you need to in search for higher realization. It is call the intense yearning for self-realization.

    mumukshuttva...one of the quality of a yogi...its normal...it is the higher self telling you to commit serious practice now...

    KEE:
    lou si, u like can read my mind....even i cant read it myself   hahahahha

    MENG FOONG:
    everyone has the same mind tendency... I have no special power to see anyone's mind.. So troublesome because minds are very confuse.com

    KEE:
    thank u so much lou si...
    u have been a great listener n mentor..i can feel my body feel like sleeping coz wat keep the mind awake are now relieved

    MENG FOONG:
    goodnite...

    MENG FOONG
    goodnite...