信任

看学生， 一天一天的转变， 一天一天的成长，也领悟到， 感受到他们对自己， 也建立了信任。

起初， 对瑜迦体位的陌生， 渐渐地熟悉。 也渐渐的， 认识了自己的身体， 了解认识身体可以与不可以做的动作， 也学习去接受和接纳。逐渐的， 也建立的对自己身体的信任。

很奇妙的，瑜迦不仅只是体位上的成长， 内心也跟随成长。 僵硬的身体， 也渐渐的变得柔软， 呼吸也渐渐变得顺畅。 心胸也渐渐的扩大， 身体可以， 不可以的， 也学会去接纳。从自己身体开始，渐渐的， 把瑜迦建立的态度与心态， 运用在生活上。

就在开始信任自己的身体那一刻开始， 很奇妙的， 当初做不到的体位， 却做的到了。 就在开始信任自己的身体那一刻刹那 ， 也领悟到， 当初的自己， 多么的无知， 多么的执著。 正所谓的放下自我， 放下所有的对瑜迦有的想法和看法； 正所谓的放空， 归零， 就在领悟到信任自己肉体的那一刻开始。

瑜迦就是这么自然， 这么简单。 放下所有， 有的， 没的； 可以的， 不可以的； 会的， 不会的； 喜欢的，不喜欢的； 能的， 不能的； 舒服， 不舒服的； 通通， 都放下。 动作， 也变的简单多了。 很奇妙的 ， 不可能的， 也变的轻而一举了。

再深入了解瑜迦当下， 体位上， 也许有进步， 会做的动作， 也可能增加了， 但心灵就却归零。 这就是所谓的， 放下。 到某个阶段， 也领悟到， 会的， 不会的； 信任， 不信任的； 也没有了差距， 就只是活再当下。

Apology

Very strange, after vipassana, something very different that is going on with me. Is ok, will just go will the flow. One thing for sure, this person came into the picture. A long lost friend.

The way we met was quite unique as we knew each other through internet. During my college time, other than studying, sing K, one of the favorite activity was to get to know new friend through internet. Honestly, i met quite a number of guys from internet, but none of them last for long. Not mention about any special relationship, but just a simple friendship. But there was one exceptionable.

He called himself as James, 1 year younger than me and what connected us so much is because we have same BIRTHDAY. Ever since then, our birthday will never be forgotten..hahahaha....

We were quite close where he used to dropped by my house and spend times together, as a friend, nothing beyond that for sure. So, my housemates know him as well and we also used to hang out.

One of the afternoon, happened that he was at our house and i was not home yet. My housemate just let him in while waiting for me to be home. I remembered very clearly that i put a note of RM50 on our coffee table at the dining hall and it was missing after that. I discovered it only in the evening when James went back home. I was so pissed off that the note was missing and was very disappointed with him. I am very sure that the note was there the night before.

I didn't confront him but the hatred and disappointment that i had towards him overtook me. I was that kind of person that if i am angry and disappointed, i will try whatever ways to get rid of that person from my life, waste no more time in this friendship. I was very sure of decision of letting go this friendship as there was no trust anymore. But still, i didn't confront him. I kept it to myself and very sure that he was the one who took the money. Slowly, i stopped talking to him, ignored him. He was puzzled at that time and did not what has happened. After a while, we lost contact. He got to know from a friend of my friend about the missing note. He didn't come forward and explain or confront me as well. So, that was how the friendship ended.

After few years, he came to my office. He knew where i work and he just dropped by to say hi. Honestly, i don't feel any anger but don't feel really comfortable about the sudden meet up. I didn't how to react or behave, so i just talk for a while and kept myself busy with work. So, he left. Ever since then, we never meet again. I knew that he is staying nearby but we never bump into each others. It was more of the discomfort feeling than anger that i have, so i was reluctant to bump into him.

After so long, this long lost friend suddenly came into my mind. Never in my life that i have treated anyone that i know the way i treated him. Suddenly i thought of meeting up this long lost friend. For sure, anger and disappointment are not there, it is more of confronting my ego and my ignorance. I have to accept and confront how ignorance i was. But now, i am ready to face it. As the process of growth, it will be part of the learning. Without expecting he will forgive or what the reaction will be, i just feel that i need to apologize. Apologize of my ignorance. Even though the missing note is still a mystery, who knows, may be i was the one who kept it and i have forgotten and there are many possibilities. I learn to know that things in life, there are many possibilities, anything could happen. Birth and Death, it could happen at the same moment. Anything could happen, anything.

So, i texted him yesterday and asked him out for lunch. This was the conversation:

Kee  : James
James: Hihi, how r u?
Kee   : I am fine
James: suddenly msg me?
Kee   : Free to come out for lunch? Scary ler, suddenly text u
James: I never scared at all
Kee  : hahaha
James: I m always waiting for ur msg
Kee   : ohh..
James: U mean now meet up?
Kee   : Of coz No
Kee   : Then u must be very patient ..waiting for years
James: Ya. U r still in my mind
           So, you still work at the same company
Kee   : I am still the same old me
James : I wish u always happy with ur life

So, today he came and fetched me at my office. He didn't change much in person but when i looked at him, he looks happy, which is good!  I told him the main purpose of meeting up is to apologize. He denied of what was happening and he said there was nothing. I told him "YES, there was". I told him everything that happened and even told him that i know he knew about it. Then he said he didn't keep in his heart and there is no apologize needed. Anyhow, what to be said and done still need to be, as the main purpose is not getting forgiveness from him, but to do what suppose to be done and say what suppose to be said.

He said it will be good that if i confronted him instead of keeping it to myself. I told him, that was me. Keeping every feeling to myself, especially unhappiness. But it never too late to change the old habit after all.

When we are moving towards the path of growing and change the old habit pattern of the mind, to understand the truth and come out from suffering, we need to confront our ignorance, ego and learn to be free from hatred, anger, disappointment, frustration etc etc. Every person that came into our life, do play an important role in our growth. Whether is nice or bad person, pleasant or unpleasant incident, it counts.

The apology is not more of APOLOGIZING and expecting forgiveness, but it to allow us to let go our ego and accept how ignorance we were. Confronting and letting go ego and ignorance are not something to practice, but it more of how to face it and stays equanimity with it. Learning to accept that everyone has the past, whether the past is good or not, any action or decision that we have done, whether we are happy with it or regretted, learning to accept is always the first step to take in order to move forward and grow.

When our heart fill up with LOVE and COMPASSION, everything is possible, including apologizing, forgiving, confronting and letting go, as we know what we are doing and we are very clear of what and why we are doing it. At the end, what is the outcome of our action, there will be no different, no judgement, no expectation. Thus, no disappointment, no frustation, no regret, no suffering.

Be happy.

So much to write....

The upcoming, which has been pending for long long time which i have yet to write and wish to write will be:

1. Birth vs Death
2. Backpacking Story 2
3. 2nd Trip to KK
4. People That I Wish To Thank
5. How I Start My Yoga Journey?
6. Incident happened at Kepong
7. About Kelantan

hmm...so far that's all about it.

Stay Tune......

His Name Is Bang Bang

A story of me and my dog (late dog).

My housemate, Kenny and I, we used to love playing with other's people dog. So, we used to went to SPCA and pay them a visit. With no intention of bringing home for ourselves, but one day we did!! We made a very very crazy decision when we first saw Bang Bang. 

I still remember clearly what was happening that day. As usual, we went to SPCA, play with the dogs there, spend some free time there. Suddenly, we saw one golden colour dog. Wow......this dog very pretty. But one thing strange was, he was kept separately from the others in a very huge space which could keep about 5 or 6 dogs or more. But, he was left alone there. 

We looked for the caretaker, she was a westerner, a veterinarian, asked her why he was kept alone there, how old is he, anyone adopted and how many days he has been there. The veterinarian said he was there for about 4 days, found him somewhere in Bangsar and he was about 5 or 6 years old at that time. But when we asked again why he was kept alone there, she didn't say much but just said he was new there and to keep in away from other dogs due to hygiene purposes. Without further explanation, she said he is ready for adoption and she chained him up and brought him out of the cage and asked us to spend sometimes with him and again, she emphasized, HE IS READY TO BE ADOPTED. YOU CAN TAKE HIM NOW!!!! 

While walked him from the cage to the main office, i was looking at my housemate and he was looking at me, and we were stunned for a moment. hmmm......CAN TAKE HIM HOME NOW!!??!!! No doubt that we liked him a lot a lot. No doubt we were actually looking for a dog for ourselves every time when we visited SPCA. But, it was just a thought. ADOPT A DOG!?!?  there was another breed, Beijing Dog, she was lovely and friendly compared to Bang Bang. But ended up, we adopted Bang Bang. 

If you were to ask me now, how come?? i can't answer you. I don't even know how we ended adopted Bang Bang and to be more precisely, HOW COME WE ENDED UP ADOPTED A DOG?!?!?! It was a huge decision we made and quite a drastic one. I was not so sure whether it was a right decision to do so that time. But, i never regretted to bring him back home.

I still remember the first day at SPCA when we were bringing him home, while settling some adoption document, we only found out that he was not quite well. He was having diarrhea. We were quite puzzled then but we have paid for the adoption fees and he was ready to follow us home. Hmmm.....again, i looked at my housemate and he looked at him...speechless.......to be honest, we were quite worried and puzzled. He was adopted with RM200 adoption fees by the way. But one thing that wondered me was, SPCA has a rule that no adoption for owner who lives in Condominium but ..... they never asked us....hmmm.....anyhow, it doesn't matter now.

The memory was still fresh in my mind on the first day we brought him home. First, my housemate Leely was really in a SHOCK!!!!! she never expects us to bring back ONE from SPCA. She knows that we love dog, but never thought we will bring one back. Actually, we didn't notify her earlier as the decision was a drastic one. hahahha..... 

First night at our house, we was staying at Genting Court Condominium. He never looks straight to our eyes. He was a dog that not very friendly after all for the first day. We can sense a little of sadness, disappointment and depression in him and that's what make us like him. He is unique and his is not just like other dogs. 有性格！hahahahha.... He must has been through a lot when he got lost from his previous owner i guessed.

After few days, i think 3 days later, he behaved much better. At least, he looked at us at the eye. hahahahha...he started to make friend now, make new friend. Not very friendly though, but started to have some communication, eye contact.

After much later, WE ARE ALL BEST FRIENDS. hahahahhha.....

He was a very obedient dog in a way that he never pee and poo in the house. That's for sure. He only does it outside the garden. Good!!! So, every morning, either me or kenny will walk him before we go to work and after work, we will walk him again. At night before sleep, we will walk him again. Sometimes, i was late from home, almost 10pm to 11pm, he will wait for him patiently at home without pee and poo in the house, just to wait for us to be home to bring him out. Very understanding dog, he was. He will wave his tail till drop, so happy and excited to see us home. It was such a warm welcome from our little friend. No wonder people used to say, dog is man's best friend.

To be honest, taking a dog is never an easy job. Apart from all the happiness and fun moment, it takes a lot of commitment, time and effort to look after him. Dog is not cat. Cat, very independence, but Dog is like a baby. They need to be loved, attention and cares. We can't just leave him there without bordering him as he will look at you, waiting for you to play with, waiting for you to show love and care. As all he has, is only you. His world is only you. That's a very huge commitment!!!! Sometimes we need to be away for few days and we need to put him my friend's house. Luckily, we have some friends who is a pet lover such as Keen Hong, Matt and James to help us out. 

It was a challenge to bath him every week and cut his fur as he doesn't salon. He is become very violent when he saw the scissor and all the accessories in the salon. So, we have no choice to do it ourselves. So, i was the pet barber then. He was fine with me even though he will still get angry sometimes. 

Back to the first day of adopting him. We thought of giving him a name, but instead of choosing for him, we let him decides for his new name. We called out few names, but he showed no response. hmmm...we were wondering what his ex-owner called him. Names after names, no response. Suddenly my housemate, Leely, she thought of a song 'Bang Bang, Shoot You Down'..it was a joke then i even said ' crazy ar you..'..guess what, he got response. He waved his tail and like smiled at us. Then we called him again, Bang Bang.. he showed that he really liked the name. So, that's why we called him Bang Bang. hehehehhe...

He loves everything we eat...always beg for food!! but of cause, we can't feed him human's food. His favorite fruit are PAPAYA and DURIAN!! hahhaha......very local dog..... support local product. He loves cake as much as i do. His favorite toy is Fifi, a pink colour little bear. When we said "fifi, fifi ler"..he will be  very excited looking up and down, left and right for his toy and he knows who is Fifi. Amazing, is it? One more of his favorite, TISSUE PAPER. My gosh....the first time i saw, when i came back home from work. Never realize that he loves TISSUE PAPER so much. So, TISSUE PAPER is prohibited from putting on a table or somewhere which is reachable by him. He will patiently and nicely tear every pieces of it and ended up our house got SNOW!!!!! hahahha.....

Still remember when he did something wrong and when we punished him, he looked very sad too when we scolded him. He knows it actually. When we chased him out of the house when he did something bad, he will willingly stay outside the house and never dare to walk in. As he knows, he did something wrong and he has been punishing. Sometimes, he will pretend like nobody noticed him after all and he will quietly and slowly walk inside the house. Sometimes, when we said 'EHH!!'..he will walk back to the place when he was punished...but if we said nothing, he will also pretend nothing happen, quietly and slowly walk in and pretend to sleep or rest. hahahahahha.....

That was the fun part of having dog as they are like a kid. But it was a very huge commitment as we need to take care of them. With the schedule like what i have now, dog is definitely a NO for me. 

It was a karma without us and Bang Bang. He died after 3 or 4 years with us. My housemate brought him back to Kelantan for a year or 2 before he passes away.

Thank you for bring such a lovely memory to us, Bang Bang. Thank you for being such an understanding dog. 

Love you and Miss you always!!!

 He used to look out from the house corridor while eating. Like there there thousand thing in his mind. A real thinker.

His is from Cocker Spaniel Family. Cocker Spaniel is a hunter dog. So, that's why he loved outdoor. Sometimes, when we have a dog. We need to understand their natural behavior as well. As they don't know how to speak, we need to spend times to study their natural behavior to give him happier life. Cocker Spaniel has a very sensitive skin that's why need to take extra care about it and also especially their ears. As it is always covered up, so need to take extra care. They cannot take beef as they will become very aggressive.

 He was a very friendly dog after all, especially with human. As for other dogs, it depends. Till now, i still can't figure out which dog is ok for him, which not and why.hahahha... but he is a very brave dog as he dare to fight!! Hunter always be a hunter, solute!!!

This was the look when he was happy and waiting for you to bring him for one more round of walk. hehehehhe...miss you so much, bang bang.

梦想

人，有梦想必然是件好事。正所谓，因梦想而伟大。可是，如果太与积极的想实现梦想而气馁，而沮丧。那么，梦想不就变了一件不愉快的事件。偶而，也要学会放下。保持平等心。平等与愉快或不愉快的。毕竟，是一种过程。挫折，也是实现梦想必经之路，也是成长的机会。开心一点，放开一点，路就会好走一点，每一天也变得有意义一点点。

要相信

突然间， 发现四周围， 熟悉的人， 事， 物， 一瞬间， 变得好陌生， 好陌生。 有点失落， 有点慌。 是他们变了？ 还是自己其实并不了解， 或从不理解。还是，其实是 自己变了。 变得， 话题不一样了， 融入不到。 有的理念， 信念，看法， 想法， 和以往的不一样了。 可能是成长的一种过程。 毕竟， 每个人经历的， 都是不一样。 面对的， 可大同小乙， 体会的， 却是独一无二的， 领悟的， 更是有偏差。 那么， 如果我们盼望他人， 和我们体会到的， 领悟到的， 有共同的理念和看法， 那不就是在挑战奇迹吗？ 遇见志同道和的， 那恭喜啦， 还没领悟到的， 那不就是很正常吗？ 有时候， 太过于积极的想表达我们的理念，看法和热诚， 有时候， 越说， 人家越不明白， 越说， 自己也火滚。 到底是怎么一回事？ 是他人愚蠢呢， 还是自己无知， 自己太天真？ 好无奈的心情。 甚至， 还有些的， 会想打断那理念， 就随于而安不就好了吗。 拿那么多来烦， 何苦？ 如过现在的你， 有这种感受， 有些心得， 想和你分享。

每个人， 经历的， 体会的， 领悟到， 是有差别的。 想要改变他人的思想， 未免责任太重大啦！ 把这么大的责任堆在自己身上， 也未免辛苦了自己。 也别想得自己这么伟大， 毕竟改变， 不是一两天能办到的时， 也不是一人能做到的。 人， 是会选择自己想听的， 想吸收的。只有， 亲身体会， 才会明白， 才会悟解， 才会领悟。 对于我们自己有的信念和理念， 不要去猜疑。 只要心存有爱， 慈悲， 心灵相通的， 一定能感受到。 没理会的， 也会被感动到。 所以， 不要再想要改变谁， 改变什么的。 做好自己！ 把自我， 看的渺小一点点。这么激动， 这么气馁，这么无奈， 笑容都不见啦， 搞到自己没觉好睡， 那又何苦呢？连自己都搞不好， 变得一塌糊涂， 那又何苦呢？ 要活出自己， 首先做好自己。 要让身边的人开心， 自己要学会活得开心， 自己要懂什么是开心。要别人爱你， 自己要学会爱自己， 也要懂什么是爱。开心点， 放开一点。 世界还是一样的美丽。 要相信， 一切会有所安排的。 要相信。 要相信。

An Email To A Friend Who Has Lost Her SMILE 2

Replied from her:
hahaha, i like this! Really appreciate what you'd taught me before and recently...


Could i posted all your teaching in my FB wall? if you don't mind....coz i wana share with others too...


Thanks Kee, i think i had escaped from those sorrow...i'm now feel my mind lighter than previously, it is a good sign as i'm growing wiser and smarter, and i know how to let go slowly...


Yesterday and 2 days before i had a very good sleep as i had let go my worry and anxiety, hope this will continue forever...^^


Thank you so much !




The Sharing:

What i am going to share here, you might get or might not get it..but it doesn't matter. When the mind is ready, you will get want it means. It is part of the process. 

Each experiences and journeys, for sure there are sorrow and happiness, there are sweet and bitter, there are pleasant and unpleasant.

Never ask for PLEASANT feeling or sensation to STAY FOREVER as there is no FOREVER. When we ask for the pleasant sensation to stay, indirectly we are creating or craving for another sorrow. Wanting more and more and more, never end. As the more we wish the pleasant sensation to stay forever and it never stays, we will be very UPSET. 

We know that there is no forever, so how could it stay forever. When our craving and wants / wishes for the pleasant sensation to stays forever and IT DOESN'T STAY as we wish and want to, we ANGRY, we DISAPPOINTED, we frustrated and etc etc......

And when we feel and sense the UNPLEASANT sensation or feeling, we will pray hard and ask the unpleasant sensation TO GO AWAY... TO DISAPPEAR!!!! the more we want it to go away, when it is still there, WE ANGRY, AGITATED, FRUSTRATED, DEPRESSED..as what we wish for never came true....and we create AVERSION...

Every sensation has a lesson to teach us and for us to learn from, as it is part of the process of growing. Some teaching may come in a very polite and pleasant way, some may be in a very hard and unpleasant way.

So, NEVER wish the pleasant sensation to stay , NEVER ask the unpleasant sensation to go away. Never Craving. Just stay EQUANIMITY. Equanimious towards the pleasant or unpleasant sensation. Equanimious!!!!! and understand the LAW OF NATURE of arising and pass away (things happen and it will go away). 

It is the old habit pattern of the mind that we used to only want PLEASANT sensation and REJECT the unpleasant sensation. It is the habit pattern of the mind. 

IF WE WANT TO COME OUT FROM SUFFERING. WE WILL HAVE TO CHANGE THE PATTERN OF THE MIND!! WE HAVE TO CHANGE!! CHANGE THE PATTERN OF THE MIND!!!

Be Happy!

If I were to share this with u before whatever u hv experienced all these suffering, all these sharing will merely just some motivational reference that make u feel inspired or motivated. But after u hv been through all these experiences n suffering, these sharing will make u understand more about the truth, make things clearer n make a lot of sense about life, the truth of life. It make u grow. So, suffering is not a bad thing after all. It give us the opportunity to grow. 

Hari OM.