Vipassana Meditation - Before Going

I sincerely would like to thank my Yoga Teacher, Meng Foong.

Can't recall how many years, 4 or 5 years ago? i think so. Meng Foong has mentioned about this Vipassana Meditation which they have a center at Gambang. She told it was a good center with good technique has been taught and i should consider about it.

For me, MEDITATION??!!?? no way...it was way too far from what i WISH i would end up with. Sitting there, without moving and suffering???? Sit with cross leg in just 15 mins is killing me, hours??? NO WAY. The  uncertainty, unpredictable feeling, doubt towards myself, my determination and readiness, fear, worry, hesitation etc were bordering me. That was 4 or 5 years ago.

As such, what make me sign up for this 10days Vipassana Meditation despite with all those challenges that freak me out 4 or 5 years ago??

I always believe that every moment, every movement, every decision (whether right or wrong decision made), every feeling, every emotion, every incident (bad or good), every experience, it happen for a reason.

Along this path of sharing yoga with others is the most grateful thing in my life. Throughout these years, being as a student, i learned about from my teacher, the teaching, the postures, the dhamma sharing and the experience. As a teacher, i am learning as well. Seeing myself moving towards the path that make me understand the true happiness, contentment, grateful and gratitude.

It sounds pretty perfect that everything is just going well. After almost 5 years of teaching, all the suddenly i realized that i have doing thing the same way. The sharing, the teaching, same teaching, same sharing. The more i wanted to move forward into next level, the more eager to share more of it, i struggled. As i found that i have stopped growing. Sharing is share out our experience. If we do not experience the dhamma itself, it will be merely other's dhamma, not ours. As such, our sharing will just be surface and not to the depth of it.

These kind of feeling of stop growing and the need of growing and self-development were puzzling me for quite sometimes. As i was telling myself for not to over react towards it, learning to detach towards whatever feeling or emotion we have, i basically just stay apart from the feeling. Stay apart in a sense that aware of the existence but do not over react.

As i came back from India in November 2011 for a 9 days trip, South India, Kerala, Varkala, with a friend of mine who was taking his Sivananda Teacher Training Course there. "THE NEED OF GROWING" or self-development became stronger and i started to feel the sense of incomplete. Quite similar with the feeling i had before the time i found yoga. Puzzle, Emptiness, Discontent. To be more precise, feeling of Incomplete.

During my trip to India, i have joined the Yoga classes at Yogahaus and attempted few session of meditation. From 30mins to 45mins. Million thanks to Hari for sharing this. Throughout the meditation sessions, a touch or sense of what meditation feels like. From 30 mins to 45 mins meditation, it absolutely eased my worry and doubt i have towards myself whether AM I READY for this.

Since then, after i came back, i fb with my teacher. Here's this our conversation:

• KEE:
  but one thing i learnt from this yogahaus if MEDITATION
• i plan to join the vippasana meditation next year as i hv used up most of my leave this year
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  Vipassana in Gambang, Kuantan?
  
  
  KEE
  anywhere is ok for me
  in malaysia
  
  
  MENG FOONG:

• It will be very different when you are in a complete silent retreat for 10 days. It is very effective and very good for anyone to know their own mind and how to observe the mind and not attach...
• Gambang is a very good place. No need to spend money to go to india. Unless you will be in India for a few months, then you must do vippassana in Bodhgaya. It is a very special energy place.
  
  
  KEE:
  i think i am ready for tht
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  yes. you are.
  
  
  KEE:

I m quite worried and not ready for this..but after this trip, i think i will take up this challenge, may b i need it..


MENG FOONG:
It is not a challenge. When your mind think that it is a challenge, resistance from the mind is already there. You don't need it either, but you are doing it for the well-being of the universe. You don't do it for getting any benefits... YOur mind will be benefited by doing vipassana, but you don't get any benefits.

• because you are not the mind...
• you are always peaceful and complete. You don't need to become peaceful and complete by doing anything...
• it is the mind need to be peaceful and be trained to be pure. you are always pure..
  
  
  KEE:
  something inside of me is giving signal tht, is time ..
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  yes. It is your higher self telling the lower self (the ego) to go for further practice...
  
  
  KEE:
  for me, is a physical challenge as my legs will definately pain...but will not let tht borther me...as it is time..hahaha...
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  everything will be provided to you, when the time has come... holidays, money, time...
  
  
  KEE:
  will try to get rid of the 'challenge' fr my mind..hahahhaha
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  no need to get rid the thinking but just observe and do not identify with it... you are aware of your mind feeling challenge, but it's not you...the more you try to push away anything, the more powerful they become...
  just watch the mind or the thinking...
  
  
  KEE:
  just let it be...
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  you will be fine and be closer to your true nature...
  
  
  KEE:
  ya, agree...coz previously, i try very hard to convince myself, vippasana..vippasana...when i tell myself, take up the challange...push away the worries..the worries become BIGGERand now..i don even borther about it....just feel tht is the time....
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  yes, you are your own teacher...
  
  
  KEE:
  there is a feeling, like i need to do somethingi donno what is it...will seehahahahha

MENG FOONG:
yoga is in you, not in india, not in ashram...
your inner self will guide you...


KEE:

• i just feel like i am only now digesting what was happening in india
• when i m in india...i feel nothing...
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  its normal... yoga is not about feeling "something"...
  
  
  KEE:
  so long i don have this kind of feeling...i had it before i learn yoga.i might need few days to settle down..hahahhaoverwhelming
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  yoga is annihilating the mind... no thinking, no perception of sight, sound, smell, taste, touch and thought, no good, no bad, no happiness, no suffering, no body, no mind, no birth, no death...that feeling you are talking about is like you need to in search for higher realization. It is call the intense yearning for self-realization.
  
  
  mumukshuttva...one of the quality of a yogi...its normal...it is the higher self telling you to commit serious practice now...
  
  
  KEE:
  lou si, u like can read my mind....even i cant read it myself   hahahahha
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  everyone has the same mind tendency... I have no special power to see anyone's mind.. So troublesome because minds are very confuse.com
  
  
  KEE:
  thank u so much lou si...
  u have been a great listener n mentor..i can feel my body feel like sleeping coz wat keep the mind awake are now relieved
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  goodnite...
  
  
  MENG FOONG
  goodnite...
  
  

Conversation with my teacher on Vipassana Mediation

KEE: i just finished my VIPASSANA


During vipassana, on the 4th, 5th and 6th day, i have lots dreams.....weird dreams...hehehe


MENG FOONG: it's normal. happen to everyone


KEE: i believe is the process


MENG FOONG: everything you experienced and is experiencing is NOT IMPORTANT. no need to pay attention or to find out why and what.


KEE: i dreamed i witnessed a murder scene..something like tht..then i bcome a detactive..n searching for the murderer..hahahhaha yes...i didnt.... it is kind of bell ringing......the vipassana lot of things, more make sense now....


MENG FOONG: your mind function according to all the inputs that has been accummulated from the past and now. all the dreams that you can remember or cannot remember are just your mind resemble all the inputs from here and there, books, stories, movies, songs, talking, hearing, seeing, tasting, touching, thinking, imagining...


KEE: it is somekind of connector to alots of things..things tht we hv been doing, hearing,..the dhamma 


MENG FOONG: good that you feel you "understand" more now. and everytime you will hear the same dhamma again but you will understand something different.


KEE: yes...so i will definitely go again....coz i believe tht human is very selective towards what we want to hear ...it is out of our control most of the time even though i don want to be like tht..but when the time is right, things tht we should hear will be heard....even we want to hear all, but not the right time, we cant hear it even repeated many many times.... 


MENG FOONG: some people spent one year doing vipassana. very fruitful. you will naturally become "quiet"... nothing to say. because all that you experience is just the mind, and it is not important at all.now you did one course already, you can serve. serving is very fruitful more than doing the course yourself. 

KEE: yeah....will join back next year..then only we will b able to see clearly whether did we apply the technique...10days is to show the technique but whether it is workable or not..it is all on our daily life practice 


MENG FOONG: when you know all the names and forms, good and bad qualities is coming from the mind, and you know all these "experiences" are not IMPORTANT at all because the mind doesn't really exist and it is not YOU, you will be silent. nothing to ask, to say, to be this or that. 


not even "try" to be happy... because there is no unhappiness.bye. have to go now... good night to you.

Becoming Yoga Teacher?

Some who have found their love towards yoga, will somehow found their passion in teaching yoga / becoming a yoga teacher.

I received a call yesterday night that a friend of mine (actually she is a friend of my secondary friend). She has been practicing yoga for years and she found that her passion is more on sport and one of it is Yoga.

She attended some classes in the fitness center which almost lost her interest in yoga as it was merely a physical exercise. But she didn't stop exploring until one day, she attended some classes conducted by western teacher and they are teaching Bikram Yoga. As what she mentioned, Bikram Yoga is a 1 and a half hours session with 26 standard postures all together. That was where she found her love and passion as she finally realized that yoga is not merely some physical exercise or body flexibility, but is more than that.

She has recently quit her job and thought of fully involving herself in becoming yoga teacher. The question now, HOW??? HOW TO BECOME A YOGA TEACHER?

From the conversation that i had with her, she kept mentioning that she is only know BIKRAM YOGA and she is not sure whether it can fit into the market as Bikram Yoga is not so famous in Malaysia. She worried that the yoga that she has learned and the only yoga that she has learned might not the same as what other teachers or studios are teaching. She felt unequipped, lacking of confident, doubting herself and lack of faith.

It was the sharing i had with her:

never doubt the belief and faith you have in yoga or what you have benefited from yoga which is not only physically, but more on the deeper part and meaning of all those postures. 


After all, posture is only posture. So, yoga is yoga. no matter what "TYPE" of yoga you have learned, as long as it makes you understand more about yourself, understand that yoga is not merely body flexibility, it is mind flexibility and many more. then it is the yoga that you are going to share. 


We are NOT teaching!! remember that!! we are sharing... sharing means share WHAT WE KNOW, not what we dont know or share what is it suppose to be, but we have no idea of it. If so, what is the point of sharing. it is not sharing then, it will be imitating.


Everyone has different experience, share what we experienced. that's all.


As a student, we are learning, as a teacher, we are learning too. just that we have one advantage which is able to share yoga with others. different aspect way of learning.

After sharing with her, this is the finding that suddenly popped up:

Have the heart of sharing this good karma with others. At sometimes, we will realize that there is no I AM SHARING. It is just sharing and be it.  At a certain point, we will also realize that in becoming a yoga teacher, Yoga teacher is just a name or a title. It doesn't have any special meaning as it is just a name or a title. Maintain the equanimity towards the name or the title. As such, whether we are yoga teacher or not, whether we are sharing or not, whether how many student in the class, how many student that we are teaching, how big or small the class is, whether student able to accept the way or 'type' of yoga that we are teaching, whether this is the 'style' or 'type' of yoga that other studios or teachers are teaching, same style or different style, IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE. IT MEANS NOTHING. As such, there will be no more doubt of what we teach or share with others. Because, we are clear of what are we doing.

不过如此

在我们不开心的时候，　一切都好像和我们作对，　每一件事都好像很不顺利。　和朋友诉说时，　朋友都会安慰的说　’不要紧啦，　一切都会过去的。　明天一定会更好的。　雨后就会遇见彩虹的。”　再认真的想想，　这么想，　的确是没错的。　可是，　我们是否遗忘了些什么吗？　不开心，　痛苦背后所带来的教训。人之所以会痛苦，　就是因为该做的功课还没做完，　要上的课，　也还没毕业。人之所以会觉悟，　就是在极度的痛苦上，　用爱来扩大自我，学会放下。人的成长，　就是在痛苦之后，　领悟的教训。　否则，　人是很善忘的。　否则，　就会在同一个错误中，　反复的犯错。　因为，　痛的不够彻底呀！！如果，　下一次，　你还在犯同样的错误，　那么你伤的，　还不够彻底！！想想，　痛苦毕竟不是件不好的预兆啊!

虽然不是容易，　分分钟会迷惑在痛苦里，　逃不出来。这么痛苦了，　还拿来什么心思去观察什么成不成长。　可是，　只要在用心一点点，　就那么的一点点。　一切就会有所不同了。　再深思，　就是那么的一阵子，　往内看，　也不就是一种修行啊！既然有力气承受痛苦，　既然有心思这么和自己过不去，　不如把剩余的力气和心思去坦然和坦诚的学会面对痛苦，　接纳痛苦。毕竟，　是个过程，　成长的过程。　 

相遇

"要重複多少　要積累多少　才能像這樣彼此的相遇"

很感激一切发生的， 没发生的， 还没发生的

相处了一阵   思念  比起之前的   潇洒得多了

总算肯放下一点点吧？

有点不可思议的感觉    

地球上有那么一个你

你是存在的

还能这样彼此的相遇

还一度以为用爱来滋润你的无奈

无奈的  应该是我吧？

还一度想呵护你受过的伤痕

竟然被你的坦然， 坦诚和信念  感动了

自己   也太自我，太无知了吧？

原来  这样彼此的相遇

不是在试着弥补

不是谁为谁的

更不是填补

原来  这样彼此的相遇

是让我们一起成长

是互相扶持  互相安蔚  

心灵上有个归宿感

让人生变的更完整  更踏实

原来 你就在不远处

我总是相信  也一直都相信
地球的另一个角落
是有那么的一个你

深夜里  也在听我听的音乐
喜欢着  我喜爱的歌手
陶醉在  她动听的歌声里
相信着  不起眼的信念

平时也爱发发呆
习惯性的独来独往
喜欢自由自在的和自己相处
厌倦了失望  还是真的我行我素

爱好看看书
也许在寻找某些答案
也许在寻找某些可能性
也许在寻找某些出路
也许在学习活的更开心一点
也许在学习用不同的角度   把世界变得更漂亮一点点
也许清楚的知道  一切就只是一念之间
也许一直都相信  真爱一直都存在

直到我遇见了你
原来   你就在不远处