Vipassana Meditation - Before Going

I sincerely would like to thank my Yoga Teacher, Meng Foong.

Can't recall how many years, 4 or 5 years ago? i think so. Meng Foong has mentioned about this Vipassana Meditation which they have a center at Gambang. She told it was a good center with good technique has been taught and i should consider about it.

For me, MEDITATION??!!?? no way...it was way too far from what i WISH i would end up with. Sitting there, without moving and suffering???? Sit with cross leg in just 15 mins is killing me, hours??? NO WAY. The  uncertainty, unpredictable feeling, doubt towards myself, my determination and readiness, fear, worry, hesitation etc were bordering me. That was 4 or 5 years ago.

As such, what make me sign up for this 10days Vipassana Meditation despite with all those challenges that freak me out 4 or 5 years ago??

I always believe that every moment, every movement, every decision (whether right or wrong decision made), every feeling, every emotion, every incident (bad or good), every experience, it happen for a reason.

Along this path of sharing yoga with others is the most grateful thing in my life. Throughout these years, being as a student, i learned about from my teacher, the teaching, the postures, the dhamma sharing and the experience. As a teacher, i am learning as well. Seeing myself moving towards the path that make me understand the true happiness, contentment, grateful and gratitude.

It sounds pretty perfect that everything is just going well. After almost 5 years of teaching, all the suddenly i realized that i have doing thing the same way. The sharing, the teaching, same teaching, same sharing. The more i wanted to move forward into next level, the more eager to share more of it, i struggled. As i found that i have stopped growing. Sharing is share out our experience. If we do not experience the dhamma itself, it will be merely other's dhamma, not ours. As such, our sharing will just be surface and not to the depth of it.

These kind of feeling of stop growing and the need of growing and self-development were puzzling me for quite sometimes. As i was telling myself for not to over react towards it, learning to detach towards whatever feeling or emotion we have, i basically just stay apart from the feeling. Stay apart in a sense that aware of the existence but do not over react.

As i came back from India in November 2011 for a 9 days trip, South India, Kerala, Varkala, with a friend of mine who was taking his Sivananda Teacher Training Course there. "THE NEED OF GROWING" or self-development became stronger and i started to feel the sense of incomplete. Quite similar with the feeling i had before the time i found yoga. Puzzle, Emptiness, Discontent. To be more precise, feeling of Incomplete.

During my trip to India, i have joined the Yoga classes at Yogahaus and attempted few session of meditation. From 30mins to 45mins. Million thanks to Hari for sharing this. Throughout the meditation sessions, a touch or sense of what meditation feels like. From 30 mins to 45 mins meditation, it absolutely eased my worry and doubt i have towards myself whether AM I READY for this.

Since then, after i came back, i fb with my teacher. Here's this our conversation:

• KEE:
  but one thing i learnt from this yogahaus if MEDITATION
• i plan to join the vippasana meditation next year as i hv used up most of my leave this year
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  Vipassana in Gambang, Kuantan?
  
  
  KEE
  anywhere is ok for me
  in malaysia
  
  
  MENG FOONG:

• It will be very different when you are in a complete silent retreat for 10 days. It is very effective and very good for anyone to know their own mind and how to observe the mind and not attach...
• Gambang is a very good place. No need to spend money to go to india. Unless you will be in India for a few months, then you must do vippassana in Bodhgaya. It is a very special energy place.
  
  
  KEE:
  i think i am ready for tht
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  yes. you are.
  
  
  KEE:

I m quite worried and not ready for this..but after this trip, i think i will take up this challenge, may b i need it..


MENG FOONG:
It is not a challenge. When your mind think that it is a challenge, resistance from the mind is already there. You don't need it either, but you are doing it for the well-being of the universe. You don't do it for getting any benefits... YOur mind will be benefited by doing vipassana, but you don't get any benefits.

• because you are not the mind...
• you are always peaceful and complete. You don't need to become peaceful and complete by doing anything...
• it is the mind need to be peaceful and be trained to be pure. you are always pure..
  
  
  KEE:
  something inside of me is giving signal tht, is time ..
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  yes. It is your higher self telling the lower self (the ego) to go for further practice...
  
  
  KEE:
  for me, is a physical challenge as my legs will definately pain...but will not let tht borther me...as it is time..hahaha...
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  everything will be provided to you, when the time has come... holidays, money, time...
  
  
  KEE:
  will try to get rid of the 'challenge' fr my mind..hahahhaha
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  no need to get rid the thinking but just observe and do not identify with it... you are aware of your mind feeling challenge, but it's not you...the more you try to push away anything, the more powerful they become...
  just watch the mind or the thinking...
  
  
  KEE:
  just let it be...
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  you will be fine and be closer to your true nature...
  
  
  KEE:
  ya, agree...coz previously, i try very hard to convince myself, vippasana..vippasana...when i tell myself, take up the challange...push away the worries..the worries become BIGGERand now..i don even borther about it....just feel tht is the time....
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  yes, you are your own teacher...
  
  
  KEE:
  there is a feeling, like i need to do somethingi donno what is it...will seehahahahha

MENG FOONG:
yoga is in you, not in india, not in ashram...
your inner self will guide you...


KEE:

• i just feel like i am only now digesting what was happening in india
• when i m in india...i feel nothing...
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  its normal... yoga is not about feeling "something"...
  
  
  KEE:
  so long i don have this kind of feeling...i had it before i learn yoga.i might need few days to settle down..hahahhaoverwhelming
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  yoga is annihilating the mind... no thinking, no perception of sight, sound, smell, taste, touch and thought, no good, no bad, no happiness, no suffering, no body, no mind, no birth, no death...that feeling you are talking about is like you need to in search for higher realization. It is call the intense yearning for self-realization.
  
  
  mumukshuttva...one of the quality of a yogi...its normal...it is the higher self telling you to commit serious practice now...
  
  
  KEE:
  lou si, u like can read my mind....even i cant read it myself   hahahahha
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  everyone has the same mind tendency... I have no special power to see anyone's mind.. So troublesome because minds are very confuse.com
  
  
  KEE:
  thank u so much lou si...
  u have been a great listener n mentor..i can feel my body feel like sleeping coz wat keep the mind awake are now relieved
  
  
  MENG FOONG:
  goodnite...
  
  
  MENG FOONG
  goodnite...